Hi! I’m currently doing 4:3 or 5:2 ADF and loving it. Hoping to slim down and transition to OMAD or 20:4 by this summer.
I’m lucky enough to have my 18yo niece staying with us for 6 weeks this summer. She is newly recovering from an eating disorder and I know she notices what those around her are (or aren’t) eating. I am willing to make adjustments for her health. My question is, what is the best way to approach this and how can I ensure a safe, healthy visit for her?
I’ve never tackled ED, so lacking personal experience, I’m hoping Reddit hive mind can help. TIA!
Personally, since it’s only short term, I’d recommend not fasting at all while your niece visits. You can hop back on the fasting train once she leaves, but her watching you and internalizing that it’s okay if adults don’t eat sometimes will have much longer lasting effects on her
Can you just not snack after dinner and eat a late breakfast without drawing attention to those “fasting” hours. You can easily fast for 14 hours a day if you eat dinner at 6 PM and breakfast at 8 AM. If she’s a teenager, she probably sleeps in :-)
I think OP is getting all good advice and support, so I’m not here to answer (I’m new to IF and have no knowledge of EDs anyway)
But I would like to say how positive this community seems to be, how supportive it is, and mostly importantly how rational it is.
My very slim experience of people discussing their eating habits is people on fad diets at the office, and they always seem just a little bit culty. The kind of people who, if faced with this topic, would almost certainly focus suggestions on how to maintain the diet first and the put nieces needs second. I know that’s s just anecdotal, but still.
This is not that. I’ve seen other examples too. If there is a good reason to be flexible, or stop fasting all together, it gets said. Well done all of you.
OP, all the best for your niece. You seem like a good person.
Eat a healthy and nourishing couple or 3 (or 4) meals a day. Don’t make a big deal about her eating just eat together. Put healthy snacks in the refrigerator.
You are so thoughtful to put her first, and have an opportunity to model healthy relaxed eating in what is probably a less fraught environment than her home.
I agree with u/purple_paracosm and u/iiiiiiced. My son dealt with anorexia when he was 16-19. A big part of his recovery was for him to eat most of his meals with someone (usually me), partly so we could make sure he was being honest with himself with how much he was eating, and partly for the social/normalizing aspect of eating regular meals. If she is newly recovering, I personally would definitely not fast for the time that she is visiting. Eating disorders are no joke and the recovery is soooo difficult.
I don’t have a lot of experience either but for the summer, maybe switch to 16:8 or 18:6 with CICO? Maybe I’m wrong (please correct me if your experience was different) but I feel like seeing you eat at regular meal times would be helpful.
If you use IF for portion/calorie control,then switch to CICO and meal plan for that period. Or just do whatever, it’s summer lmao. Once again, this is a tentative suggestion as I do not have experience with people with EDs or recovery and I would appreciate hearing other povs
I would also get a detailed break down of what her process is for meal times and what order everything’s done in etcetera. The proportions for making everything can be massively important. I’ve seen someone have a serious meltdown because something was made not in the way they were expecting and with more of one particular thing. It may be a case of saying ‘are you happy with me making it like this’ or they may want to make it themselves, or none of those things, it might be something specific to them. They may not want to talk about it at all. I agree 100% to not do fasting in this time or it could get confusing and problematic. Maybe eat exactly what she eats. All of these things need asking and talking about with her parents beforehand essentially or you are going in blind.
I have an eating disorder. I would find any form of you fasting around me incredibly triggering. The disordered mind is not logical. You explaining you were fasting would instantly mean I should fast too. You needing to slim down would mean that I need to slim down. I would be unable to eat more than you.
I think you will need to eat three meals and snacks a day if she is to not be triggered and to show her that this a normal way to eat
I’m IF around my girlfriend who has / recently starting to recover from a ED and gets easily triggered by CICO, Fasting, Scales etc. I’m 3 weeks in and have had no issues so far. I make sure my scales are well hidden and only weigh myself when she’s out of the house or sleeping. I also tell white lies such as “I’m eating breakfast at work” or “I ate while you’re out/before you woke up”. .
So far it’s worked really well. I’ve been prepping meals for lunch and cooking healthier meals around her and she believes i’m doing it to save money / cutting out junk food which is the narrative I’ve been running with. I do feel terrible for not being truthful but I’ve got to put my own physical and mental health first.
I’ve promised myself once I reach and maintain my goal I’ll remove the scales from the house as well as once she’s in a better position with her ED recovery I’ll come clean about my weight loss journey.
I was to agree with other comments here that it is refreshing to see you care so much about your niece. Often on these subs, people become so wrapped up in their routine and focused on themself only. She’s lucky to have you! 🙂
I think you’re really thoughtful for doing this OP. Personally I wouldn’t stop fasting altogether, 6 weeks is a long time and I don’t think it’s necessary as long as you’re careful. I agree with the other comment about trying 16:8. Then you still have a relatively normal eating window with regular meals that don’t need to be explained. That way you can continue fasting (and build towards 20:4) and hopefully avoid any triggering behaviors for your niece.
I also would like to suggest lots of hiking or similar gun outdoors activities with her. Once she starts enjoying exercise and being active, she may slowly shift her focus from food to exercise and being active.
Is someone with a history of an eating disorder, I have to tell you that you are incredible and I wish all family members were supportive as you. That said, there’s no way to do this without triggering her… don’t talk IF or even do IF. That’s my honest opinion.