Hello! This is my first time posting. I have been doing IF since October and have come to learn that fasting 23:1 is what works best for me and the way that I feel. I am not very strict - I give myself grace on the weekends. My question is how do you deal with family members that think you are starving yourself? I have explained to my husband that I am not even really hungry until dinner and he says “I don’t care, you’re starving yourself”. I’ve done research to give him reasons this is an acceptable lifestyle and how it helps heal the body and yada yada, but when I don’t eat breakfast with him on the weekends, he pouts and I feel guilty and then I eat with him and it takes me two days to recover after the weekend… I usually feel like crap and just upset with myself for giving in and not sticking to my plan. He loves breakfast lol…. I don’t….
How do you handle these types of situations? This is a lifestyle now for me and works well and I do see results as well…
Remind yourself that life puts obstacles in your way over and over. Your change in behavior is on some level frightening to those around u for a variety of reasons, and ultimately they don’t matter. When ur husband eats breakfast, make a cup of tea, talk to him about anything but food. If he tells u he’s worried, or that your starving yourself, tell him you love him and appreciate him, but ur just not hungry. Once he sees that ur flourishing AND he still gets the community with you that usually comes with sharing a meal, I hope it will slowly change.
OMAD can be healthy and sustainable, so as long as you’re not hiding an ED by wrapping it up in IF, there’s no medical reason for you to change.
I think it’s important to put yourself first at times. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we aren’t good partners or parents.
Having said that —
Relationships matter, and people show their love in different ways. It may be that your husband is showing you that he cares. He may genuinely be concerned that your new eating style isn’t providing you enough nutrients. We hear horror stories about families not noticing when a member has anorexia. It sounds like you are talking to your husband to reassure these concerns, but maybe even show him calorie count or macros do he’ll see that your diet is healthy?
The other thing that comes to mind is that some express love by spending time together, and sitting together over a meal is a way that families traditionally show care — extended families gather for birthday and holiday celebrations, parents and kids meet up around the dinner table and share their days, couples have romantic dinners. It may be that what your husband is missing is this time together. You could try keeping him company with an awesome cup of coffee in the morning, or making the one meal you do eat more of an occasion. Or maybe start a new activity— like going for a Walk together on weekend mornings, so you two have that time together.
Firstly, he doesn’t sound like a particularly supportive husband. Sorry to say that, but it was my first thought when reading.
It’s your body, you do what works for you. If other people (husband included) have an issue with it, then that’s their issue, not yours.
I’m sure he will be fine eating breakfast on his own.
My fiance was initially wary of me trying IF, but I was able to stress that this was something I wanted to try for myself and I was ready to focus on improving me. Ultimately, they need to be able to trust you to make healthy decisions for you and your body. Though some compromises can also help, I did agree to get some blood work done every now and then to ensure I was still getting all the necessary nutrients.
I would order hard copies of The Obesity Code and Fast, Feast, Repeat. Read them and then ask him to read them. Or read them and ask him to listen while you summarize. Share your worries about your current health.
Since you don’t see him every day, you could consider some ADF. Fast on the days you are apart and feast on the days that you are together. Get out of our 23:1 rigid mindset and find something that works for your schedule and lifestyle. That’s truly the only way to sustain anything long term.
I had some difficulties with my partner too. My partner got upset when I don’t want to have late night snack with her. Also, she got upset when I reduce carbs. Finally we have reached sort of balance now. I would say communication is important and it takes time.
I remember doing the same thing as your husband when my sister first started IF. Really worried about her. But then read more about it and came to understand she wasn’t damaging herself, but improving her health. Then life kicked my behind and I needed to improve my blood sugar levels and started IF to do that and lose some weight. Epiphany! IF is easier than ordinary dieting. If your husband is open to reading about it, share some info from Dr. Jason Fung. His books are what convinced me IF is worth trying.
I mean, in this situation your best bet would be to get yourself and hubby an appointment with a nutritionist and settle this with a professional. Y’all will never come to an agreement about food because food is inherently a massive conflict of interests, between self-preservation/health, culture, social, and aesthetic/self image
This might sound like ‘ew, I gotta proof I’m not starving myself I’m not a baby’ but your husband probably talks only out of concern through love.
If I was worried then hearing “don’t worry I’m fine” from the person who I think is starving will not persuade me. My suggestion is to log your intakes, make a food diary, show him you are getting all your resources, what your progress is. Your timing of eating is just different. Don’t shut him out of the proces.
Why not make breakfast your one meal of the day? You said he loves breakfast, so have it with him. Dr. Fung talks about how it’s good to change things up and make your one meal in the AM one day and maybe PM the next day. You could change it up and it might work better for you and for your relationship.