Hey Everyone!
So, I’ve been debating wether to post my story here or not, but I feel reading someone else’s experience when it comes to any situation helps others put into perspective the “rights and wrongs” of certain things, fasting/dieting being a huge question mark to many leaves endless possibilities in the many routes you can take to lose weight.
My journey started March 2021, around the last two weeks of march I decided that I was going to start fasting. I was 210lbs, 5’2 in height, 22 years old, I was obese to say the least. But you know what’s worse than being obese? Being obese and NOT recognizing it, I had developed many health issues due to my excess amount of weight but I refused to pin any of those health issues to my weight and tried finding any other reasons as to why I felt so bad. I had developed shortness of breath, taking 2 steps was like running a marathon, I started breaking out in random sweats and rapid heart beats at any moment throughout the day, I was 1 point away from being diabetic, I had developed high cholesterol, I took every medical test I could to try to rule out why my health was deteriorating so much. Finally taking the hardest step and accepting I was extremely overweight for my age and height, I took on fasting.
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While I was going into a diet plan I knew nothing about, I just started doing what I figured was “fasting” and started cutting my meals to One Meal a Day also known as (OMAD DIET), I ate everyday but only once around 5pm when I got home from work.
Here was my eating schedule/menu from March 2021-July 2021:
Starting August I began counting my calories excessively! (what calories?!, if I didn’t eat shit!)
and my one meal a day became one meal a week or one meal every two days, meaning I wouldn’t eat anything at all the other 5 days of the week, only water, strictly ONLY WATER. you couldn’t get me to eat a cracker or a piece of candy, I was completely wrapped around fasting which little by little was becoming starvation due to my obsessive need to lose all the weight that was making me feel so shitty. I started telling my mom I would go out to eat with my friends so she wouldn’t notice that I went a whole day without eating. I would simply go out, not eat anything at all, but come home letting her know I had dinner and it was delicious, to ease her mind and not make her eye my eating habits since they started becoming more and more extreme as the weeks went by.
By this time frame (august 2021) I was at about 150lbs now, yup 50lbs down eating only lettuce with lime and tuna (un seasoned, undressed, just straight out the can onto a plate) and starving myself as much as I could. I had cut out any other forms of protein, on the day I did decide to have a meal it was always just that, tuna and lettuce. My workouts now were more intense and from only being able to do 10 minutes of cardio, I started doing 1 hour of HIIT cardio everyday, making sure I burned at least 800 calories or more solely through cardio, I was trying to burn off as much fat as I could before I started toning my muscles. I kept this up from August till present day (12/31/2021) it is currently still my daily workout routine. I make sure I don’t miss a day, if I do, im flooded with guilt, feeling as if I was gaining back every pound I was losing by not working out or getting off routine.
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Now we are at October 2021, my birthday was on the 3rd. I turned 23 years old and I was weighing in at 125lbs now, I felt happy, I looked in the mirror and I was happy with what I saw reflecting back at me but this is where I started to realize, my fasting was really an ED I had developed. I realized this because despite dropping all the weight I had dropped in such a short period of time, I still felt as if it was not enough, instead of accepting my new weight loss, I beat myself up over it on a daily and made sure that even tho I was losing now about 2-3lbs a day, to not loosen up on my routine, I felt like one day of rest or one “cheat day” would set me back so far and make me gain the weight again, I was torturing myself at this point but I couldn’t stop. I started doing the worse, I started taking laxatives and body detoxes thinking that whatever I DID eat, I didn’t want it digested into my body. I would eat and about 30 minutes later would be downing a laxative or a detox shake to make me shit it all out and seeing that the next morning I had lost another pound or two when I stepped on the scale just encouraged me to not stop drinking laxatives as well.
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Currently it is the last day of December 2021, and I weigh 107lbs. I see myself and I know I am more than fine physically, health wise its like I never had high cholesterol or was pre diabetic, I feel great in that sense. but mentally I feel like I abused the term “fasting” and went my own unhealthy route to get the results I wanted, but in all honesty I didn’t have a certain goal, I didn’t have a set weight or number I was aiming for, I was just trying to not be OBESED at 22 years old.
So my eating habits now look a little like this :
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I know the habits I have developed are not healthy to say the least and I do not recommend for you to go about losing weight in such an unhealthy way. Currently now, I am struggling with my relationship with food and eating and with the acceptance that I do deserve to have a meal I like or an ice cream or a cup of juice, I have accepted that I fall under the ED spectrum and wanted to tell my story so others can see that you can get lost if you obsess over anything really and hopefully you take the wrongs I made with my weightloss journey and go about it in a much more healthier way. I lost 100lbs in about 9 months and I don’t know when im going to get back into a normal eating routine but its something in the front of my mind that I slowly am working on.
If you made it to this point thank you for reading the whole way through!
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below are some before and after pictures:
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Good for you for recognizing that your current behavior is unhealthy. I would strongly encourage you to seek therapy and exercise some self-love. You did an amazing thing, but now you need to shift focus from weight loss to being healthy. You have one body for the rest of your life, and there are a million ways to be in between obese and anorexic.
I really appreciate you posting this. I’ve struggled with an eating disorder in the past. About 10 years ago, I used IF to drop almost 100 pounds. But it did turn into starving myself, and I was weirdly proud of starving myself. There’s so much shame attached to being overweight - the way you see yourself, and holy shit people are so cruel to overweight people, and especially cruel to overweight women. My former husband said horrible things to me. Random people would call me tubby or fat-ass. I had a humiliating “fat lady at the gym” experience and to this day I will not set foot in a public gym because of it. So going days without eating, or purging what I did eat, and seeing how quickly I lost weight was so gratifying.
I got really scared one night because I woke up feeling like my heart was literally trying to hammer out of my chest. When I got out of bed, I fainted. I think I hadn’t eaten for about 3 days. Anyway, it scared the poop out of me so I had to knock the starvation shit off - not for myself (a lot of self-loathing), but for my kids. I had to force myself to start eating, but it was really difficult. I still have difficulty eating in front of people because there’s so much shame attached to it.
I’m not trying to derail your post, but I wanted to tell you I think it’s brave to post this and I’m glad you did because I’ve put on about 15 or so pounds since covid started and I really want it gone. But I needed the reminder to not fall back into those dangerous habits. I’ve been in therapy before and it’s awesome. I’ve looked into going again but the soonest appointment I get is the end of March. I know people are quick to suggest therapy, but it’s not always immediately available - and for some people it’s too expensive. Not only that, but a bad relationship with food is usually a lifelong challenge.
So hey, thank you for posting this and for being so honest. Also, you’re not alone. Please just try your best to be kind to yourself. It’s not always easy. You don’t deserve punishment for eating.
Hello. I really appreciate you sharing. It takes a lot of courage to be open and honest about your current situation. Just as the others have said, I hope you decide to seek a therapist to guide you toward recovery from your eating disorder. I hope I dont sound harsh or judgemental, but as one internet stranger to another, I am very worried about your health. Eating disorders are very serious, and you deserve happiness–free from guilt or worry 🙂
I would love an update, and I really hope the best for you.
Your very wise for 22. I’m super proud of you for realizing and taking steps to correct the things in your life that need attention. That’s something most of us take a lot longer time to acknowledge. Stay strong.
