I wanted to post this because it seems like a lot of people have family members/friends with bad habits and get a lot of criticism. I looked back at a picture of myself when my mom said I was getting too skinny (my BMI was in the normal range), and it took a lot of personal growth to just ignore her (would have maybe listened when I was younger). I’ve lost like 10-15 pounds since then and look sooo much better (BMI still normal).
My advice from this is to look at the person who criticizes you! Look at their habits and their maybe weight. They don’t know any better and project their own experiences. Don’t let anyone interfere with your goals!
My MIL first made fun of me for being a male and on a diet. Then when I managed to shed the weight said I looked friendlier and better when I was chubby. I yoyoed not long after. It’s a lesson that after you will lose weight you will not magically be happy always, but being fat is shit. I hope to attain my weight loss again and keep it this time. Be strong, it’s easier to keep the weight off than losing the weight…
I spent some time on anorexia threads and realized my mom was anorexic.
My whole childhood was about my mom comparing herself to me, and becoming insanely jealous when I weighed less than she did, and when I wore smaller pants than she did, and especially she hated it when I went jogging and she couldn’t keep up. She would start comparing our pant sizes and criticizing me if I lost weight. She wanted me to be fatter than her, so she’d be the skinnier one. She’d scoop her food from her plate onto mine, and watch and criticize me until I ate it, then make fun of me if I finished it. I can’t even describe what it’s like to have a mother who sees you like a competitive sister rather than a daughter, but I think you know too.
Then I read on the anorexia forums, women live like this their entire lives, comparing their weight to random strangers on the street, always comparing and judging.
It made me realize, my mom is really ill, and I should stay away from her. This isn’t something new, and she won’t change. If we go on a diet together, she isn’t rooting for me, she’s hoping I fail so she can “win”. Her criticizing me was her trying to trip me up so I’d doubt myself and binge and she could “win”, plus she genuinely hated being out of shape when I was jogging every day and being in shape. She didn’t want me to do well or look good. In her mind, that made her look “bad.” She’s a shallow and petty bitch, and slow. If only she were one of those mom’s who liked working out at the gym, we could have worked out together, but no, she was too lazy. But she was jealous when I worked out and had strong muscle tone. Mmhmm.
> Look at the person who criticizes you! Look at their habits and their
maybe weight. They don’t know any better and project their own
experiences. Don’t let anyone interfere with your goals!
Exactly………
This is so relevant. I was talking with a mate today about how last year I lost 15kg and people came out of the woodwork telling me I was too thin. I was still 86kg for a height of 178cm. That’s still overweight. Every person saying I was too thin was overweight.
As someone who comes from a family of larger folks, and am quickly looking more “average”, the comments are annoying. I’ve started telling them I’m surely not “skinny” yet, and just because I’m not morbidly obese anymore doesn’t mean my health journey is over.
I defer most questions with “how much i’ve lost” with something with “ a lot, feeling really great”
Wow. This hits close to home!
My grandma would constantly tell me I was getting too skinny - even though I still had a BMI over 30 (!!).
She’s (probably) obese herself (she’s overweight for sure). However, she kind of gets a pass because she’s a grandma. Stuffing us with food is what they do.
Yep. I was being criticized because I lost too much weight and “I didnt have any weight to lose to begin with” but my blood pressure disagrees. My blood pressure was in normal range when I was “too skinny” and my blood pressure was hypertensive when I was “just perfect”.
Very true.
What do your friends think about your weight loss?
Generally, overweight people like to socialize with other overweight people. When one of the “group” decides to take control of their life and lose weight, the social dynamic can change in interesting ways.
When dietary misinformation was all there was, mainstream medicine and the Heart Association promoting such misinformation, there were a ton of overweight and obese folks as a result, and relatively few who weren’t overweight. In that ignorant era, it sometimes used to be assumed that anyone who had a normal weight and slender physique for a human had a health problem causing the person to not be fat. Cancer, stimulant drug addiction, some chain smokers, celiacs.
The world didn’t seem to know then that it was possible to be extremely healthy and yet slender. There are a lot of people now who are still mentally living in that ignorant era. Often they are well intentioned, just very dated in their thinking and ignorant.
The people who are most heroic, most to be admired in this world, are those who have risen above difficult childhoods, dysfunctional parents, bad environments, and who are by hard choices and hard work physically and mentally healthy despite all of it, and are now setting good examples for those in their past, for children, and for all of us!
Don’t forget misery loves company! I lost 70lbs with IF and I cannot believe looking back how many people had negative things to say. When I look back in every one of those people they were all unhealthy or over weight or just plain really unhappy.
I’ve had people tell me I’m too “tiny” and that I “need to eat”, even though my BMI is healthy. It could be their own insecurities or self-image that they project onto you, or their idea of healthy has become skewed because of how overweight the average person is, ie someone who’s 15-20 lbs overweight is considered “slim” to them, while a person whose BMI is healthy is “too skinny.” Whatever the case, good for you for staying on course.
Older people are the worst when it comes to comments on weight. They think if you’re belly doesn’t hang over your belt you’re too skinny. People wouldn’t say “you’re so fat” so they shouldn’t say anything about being skinny either. End rant (pet peeve of mine)