What are some things you say to people who don’t support your lifestyle, especially when they are offering you food? I don’t get temptation from the food, but I can’t just say “no thank you, I’m fasting” because my sister gets really offended and angry about it. I have explained the purpose and benefits and how it actually works to her, but she says it’s fake science and excuses for an eating disorder. (I do not have an eating disorder) I can’t stand the judgement or explaining myself. Sometimes it’s easier when she’s trying to force me to eat, if I say that I have a stomach ache or heartburn and I’ll eat later. But I can’t say that every time. Sometimes I take the food she gives me and try to find a moment to discreetly get rid of it (the wasting of the food disgusts me too though). I will wake up super early just so that I can say I already ate breakfast while everyone was sleeping. I just want to fast the way I want to do it without constantly trying to hide it and come up with various weird excuses. I don’t think she will change her mind about thinking fasting is bad. So I need some type of way to get rid of the pressure to eat. She likes to snack all day on top of 3 meals and loves to cook for others which is great and all but she’s so mean to me if I don’t eat with her. (I always eat with her when I’m ready but I refuse to take on her eating lifestyle)
Just say “no thanks,” without any explination or reasoning. No is a complete sentence. you dont need to justify it. if she continues ask her to stop pushing her food on you, you’re a competent grown adult who can eat when they want to/feel hungry. Tell her you dont like her food. “whats your obsession with constantly trying to get me to eat food when you know ill say no. Take the hint already”
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move out is your other option
Your sister sounds like my elderly mother, who polices my eating or not eating. My way of coping (it’s not perfect and doesn’t always work):
“What makes you think I haven’t eaten?” Or “I’ve already eaten.”
“I ate at a restaurant / I am going to a restaurant with friends.”
“I am not you and have my own way of living my life, please let me live my own life and make my own choices.”
“Here are some studies from a medical website that is peer reviewed. You live your life the way you think is best, but I will live mine.” And then I walk away and close myself into my own space or leave the house.
“The am doing this for spiritual reasons.” Sometimes this shuts people up, sometimes it causes a whole new debate, so be careful with this one. Lol! Almost all world religions do this, and some people will back off, some will try to debate you on certain world religious practices, it depends on the beliefs of those you are interacting with.
It’s hard because, in my experience, families often have problems with healthy boundaries with family members and say and do things they wouldn’t dream of doing with their friends. I am in my 40s and am still treated like a child, and it’s an unwinnable situation with many of my own family members. We live in a time where people are divided on every little thing. I’m sorry you’re going through that, I can 1000000% relate.
“I ate a big breakfast/lunch” is easy
if it’s more of a stranger, “I’m on an odd diet at the moment so I eat at home”
If there’s a planned big meal, I’ll say upfront that I’m preparing for a blood test that requires fasting because like planned parties — medical appointments are too.
In the end, I generally lie.
When you aren’t arguing say…I know you are concerned but I have consulted my doctor and I’m comfortable how i am eating is safe and healthy. If we could plan ahead of time to eat together a couple times per week i would like that. Other than that I will be saying no to you anytime you ask me to eat.
This problem is real. People don’t understand, viewed like conspiracy theorists …and I OWN that personally.
Stay focused, strong and your results will speak for themselves, they’ll speak wonders. Let the haters see the results.
Stay strong
Since it’s your sister, perhaps you can tell her in a private discussion that” Hey, i’m fasting since I belive it’s a great way of staying healthy. I don’t want to argue about this with you, I want you to support me in this”.
Happy fasting!
Yeah I got accused of having an ed when I told people lmao
Some of my excuses:
I am curious about why you feel she is pushing food at you? You said no and sometimes you have to say no twice. Because people don’t like to eat alone or because it’s food hospitality or someone e else’s way of giving.
Typically when I feel like someone is pushing food on me it’s one of two things. 1) I am not a solid ‘no’ for myself, meaning the food is tempting or 2) I haven’t taken the time to sit down and explain why this is important to me and my fasting has nothing to do with them or their cooking. Then I explain my fasting schedule and they can help me keep on track.
Where I work ‘treats’ are ongoing, or never-ending event :) … I would rerun to my desk and have candy or cake or something sitting at my desk. it took me a while to master ‘no’ for myself. And to converse with the admin who dropped off treats about why this was important to me and how she could really support me is by giving my treats to someone else.
What happened is she began to find treats that were nonfood items and half the office went for nonfood treats. One conversation can change how people think.
We get great coffee and tea now for treats as well.
Send her the links to se scientific studies. It’s reaserch in its early stages but it is definitely not fake science.
Also, is your sister normal weight? Could there be a possibility that she can’t control her own eating you are making her feel bad about her choices and drag you down with her?
This isn’t a problem of not accepting your choice to eat, it’s not understanding something which is a niche. Extended fasting is alien to 99% of the population (maybe factually wrong), but how you deal with it is what makes the difference. Sit with your sister, let her know about some of the strategies you’ve tried to achieve your goals and why fasting is the one worth trying now. Make like a college presentation. The key point is, if you cannot defend and convince an audience of your position, you are not properly informed of it either. Education is king.
It sounds like your sister uses food as a way to show love and appreciation. I would say that when you are not fasting, take her offers of food, show that you appreciate them and try and meet her at her level. Perhaps you can try and explain gently again what you are doing, and give her the ins and outs so that she is not worried about you ‘i am fasting for 24 hours on X day, but on all the other days I’d really appreciate having a meal together. This is non-negotiable, and I find it difficult and upsetting when you do not respect my choices. (Maybe try and find a choice of hers that you respect for comparison ) I promise to be open with you about my fasting, so that you can be assured i’m not developing at eating disorder’ or smth along those lines
Can you thank her for the food she made, tell her it looks great but that you’re going to eat later, and package it up? Then when you do have it, go back and tell her it was delicious. I used to do this when people would bring homemade food to the office - I was doing IF and didn’t eat until late afternoon. ‘I’m not eating right now’ makes people want to question/argue, but ‘I’m excited to eat this later’ settles them down. In my experience anyway!
Just tell her “No, thanks, but I’ll eat that later”. This way, you eat her food while fasting as well. My dad cooks a lot and he expresses his love through food, therefore when I fast I tell him that I can’t eat it right now, but I can tomorrow or whatever and I actually eat the food he makes.
Edit: I find most of the replies here rude, considering that giving someone food it’s usually a good intended gesture and a bit of empathy would be appreciated. After all, she clearly doesn’t understand what fasting is and from her point of view you’re just refusing a display of affection from her.
Say I’m fasting and will eat later. This is the time to make your eyes give her a slow stare from head to toe and back up. Your eyes are saying “you really need to start fasting too as you could stand losing x amount of weight”
While I think No should be a complete sentence, I understand how people who try to show generosity / love / being a good host with food.
I used to say thanks but I need to watch my blood sugar. I have found that very effective as it sounds like it came from the doctor.
If she gets angry tell her she must have some serious issues if she’s obsessed with what you’re eating or not eating, and that you don’t think about what she’s eating at all. Sit back and enjoy the fireworks.
> it’s fake science and excuses for an eating disorder.
I usually tell people “my bloodwork is perfect. I’m sure yours is a trainwreck. Have fun with your T2D.” And then I proceed to change the conversation.
just a thought…Pavlovian, make it a sore subject, even if you have to fake it. Don’t be passive about it. Every time she offers you something, tell her that you are fasting. When she gets mad, go completely off the handle and yell at her and storm off. Do this absolutely every time, and eventually she’ll be afraid to say anything when you say you’re fasting. Put finding the solution to peace in her hands, not yours. No, I’m not a narcissist, but if it works for them, it’ll work for you.
Added bit… After a while, you can always go back to her and apologize for losing your cool, which has two benefits. One benefit is that it will make her feel better that you’re apologizing, and the other is that it will give you a small window of opportunity to explain why you go off the handle for fasting because you believe in it and your doctor says it’s okaym and that you are tired of people not listening to you. This is one of the few times she will probably listen.
I know it will be difficult, but a little bit of discomfort now, will save you a lot of discomfort later.