My GF and I have been together for 5 years. Within the past year i’ve been fasting and losing alot of weight ( down 45lbs). I look much more skinny and healthy than I did a year ago. She’s gained weight. She’s ‘tried’ my 36 hr fasts a couple times and claims that it doesn’t help, all the while she drinks sugary drinks and eats sugary/carby foods. She wants to start working out (body pump- think light weights and cardio).. but I doubt that will have that much of an effect if she’s still eating the way she is. What do I do?
You’re just not on the same page as your GF when it comes to weight loss. I remember a time when I was in denial and defensive about my weight and eating habits. I wasn’t ready for change then, sounds like neither is she and unfortunately there’s probably not much you can do about it. Its something she’ll need to come to on her own. Y’know that old saying about leading a horse to water…
In these situations leading by example is often best. Make the positive changes in your life, be happy, don’t nag her about it and there’s a chance she’ll see it and want a piece of what you’ve got. Good luck!
Your title and text don’t really line up… is she giving you a hard time about your fasting/weightloss or are now noticing and disliking her lifestyle? To me, it sounds like you’ve lost weight and would like her to do the same, but your way. If she wants to make an effort, why not support her? If the way she looks and eats is a problem for you now, then that’s a problem…
I’ve been married for 33 years. It is important to want what is best for your partner - whether you agree with it or not, as long as it is not detrimental. Respect and support. Think long and hard if you cannot communicate and come to an agreement.
It’s because it’s quite clearly causing her to become insecure about her weight. Which is her issue she needs to work through. Partners should be supportive towards each other. Even with things they disagree with.
I would just honestly show her videos and facts about how no matter how much you work out - it will never beat a bad diet. You have to be in a caloric deficit point blank period if she wants to lose weight. Even us doing IF/OMAD ppl need to understand that as well, you have to be in a deficit. But I would more so just focus on you. Keep doing good with your IF and workouts and if she wants to jump on, she will. But I wouldn’t really force anything on her. That won’t do much. Ppl most of the time don’t even have a clue that they are addicted to these chemical ass disgusting ass “foods”, they’re brains literally turn into some cognitive dissonance it’s disgusting. Just focus on you lol
It’s squarely a relationship advice thing, not fasting. Not fasting will indeed not provide any of the benefits of fasting.
If she wants to loose weight great, there are many things to try and fasting is one of the greats. If there is some dysfunctional feedback loop about body image going on….not great and you definitely shouldn’t be pushing solutions to the wrong problem.
Although you can’t outrun a bad diet, it’s possible that if she started working out it might make her feel more positive about herself and lead her to be more open to changing her diet. It doesn’t matter what the first step is if it gets you moving. If you want her to support you doing what’s best for you, maybe you need to support her in finding her own way even if it’s different from yours. For me, I know it isn’t the exercise that loses weight, but when I don’t exercise I feel too slobby to get serious about diet. Maybe she’s the same.
Food is a hard addiction to break, even for those of us who have started to conquer it through fasting. I agree with the comments below - she’s not ready and probably feels insecure and threatened by your progress.
My husband doesn’t fast and it is disappointing for me to not be able to share something that has had such a positive impact on my life with my significant other. I have stressed to him how much better I feel when I am able to fast regularly, and asked him to respect that. He does a lot of the cooking, so I check in with him and include him on my fasting plans. That way he can factor it into his meal planning and groceries. Having said that, if I waiver in the slightest, he is there with a plate of food instead of encouragement for me to keep going. I think if your GF understands how important this is to you, she should support you and be respectful, even if she’s not willing to participate. I know it is a thousand times harder to push through a fast when you have someone tempting you and potentially guilting you into eating with them.
Just tell her on the days you fast “this is my decision and I prefer you respect it.” Or put another way “I’m fasting today, this is my lifestyle and it’s not up for discussion”. This is clear and direct communication and important she respect your words/decisions.
Does she need help beyond food, or is it just the food?
You do you. Say no to her, and if she doesn’t like how it feels, tough. That’s not a problem to push onto you, unless she wants you to stay pushing your agenda on her.
Do nothing. Every head is its own universe and SHE has to be the one to decide to do something. Every heard the phrase pushing on a rope? Well trying to get her to change something as basic as eating is going to end in tears so my advice (+40 years married) is lead by example but keep your thoughts to yourself as otherwise you’ll push her away. Sorry chum.
Be supportive. Is there a chance she has her back up because she knows you think he’s making food decisions you disagree with? Could be why she’s saying she doesn’t agree with yours. Best thing you can do is support her goals. If she wants to work out then help, join, or just cheer her on.
Tell her to support you and if she won’t.. that’s fine you have enough will power to do what you want to do.
Sometimes people take a long time to come around.. Even though they know the other person or train of thought is correct. She seems a little damaged in one way or another. Help her fix herself <3
I’ve been working out for 16 years. From the time I was 14, it’s become a lifestyle for me. If there’s one thing I’ve learned as I’ve struggled with weight gain on and off, is you can’t out work a bad diet! I spent years putting in 2-3 hours a day 5-6-7 days a week not losing weight. It was all because of the things you mentioned. Carbs, sugary drinks, all of the bad foods, will only hold you back and if anything you’ll gain weight while eating them and working out because you lose track of how much you’re actually eating. Fasting absolutely will help her, but working out and maintaining her current diet isn’t going to end well for emotional take on the situation.
Sounds like insecurities more than anything. Before addressing her diet, you should reinforce the idea that you love her for herself, and her body is beautiful no matter what. But if she wants to lead a healthier life you will support her.
You losing weight is causing her to feel insecure about herself. Also you can do the most intense workouts, but if your diet isn’t the best, it’s going to be the biggest miserable uphill battle on earth. I’m a perpetrator of this. Back in November before dropping alcohol, I would literally have a tall 24 ounce beer with occasional shots pretty much everyday day. Cheeze-it crackers and granola bars were also my weakness 😅. I was also running 3-5 miles every morning, but I was packing on the pounds and my stomach and clothing sizes jumped in size. Diet is everything! See if she has a personal plan for what she want to achieve (like a goal weight) or try to educate her on your process and see if she’ll join your journey.