Starting a fast but I need support

My back hurts every morning. Doc doesn’t know what it is and I don’t take painkillers since my back doesn’t hurt as the day goes, and I don’t like relying on painkillers. I do notice that my back hurts less when I fast, and was even gone when I reached a certain weight. I have done fasts before, the longest I’ve done was 7 days on strictly water, and a couple weeks on juices a few years back. Sadly, I haven’t managed to keep it clean and I’ve put on the weight again.

I’m a strong believer of fasting and the benefits of water. It has gotten me through headaches, flu, and pain countless times where modern medicine failed me (I’m allergic to a lot of medicine). I just have trouble creating a lifestyle around it. I keep coming back to it though.

Earlier this month I got to 4 days on just water. I was planning on doing the whole month but at the end of the 4th day I was so stressed out that I ate. Didn’t go well for me afterwards because when I got back to eating (not entirely clean eating) my back pain was back as well. So I’m thinking of going for another week this month and see from there if I can extend. I really hope I can gather the mental strength to. It hasn’t been easy.

I’m my father’s primary caregiver (he’s had a stroke, now with aphasia and full right side paralysis). That also means I’m the first person he lashes out to on a daily basis and sometimes it’s difficult to keep myself positive. I love my father a lot and there’s nowhere I’d rather be than by his side while he recovers. However, I realize that has made my world a lot smaller lately. Grad school’s on hold, so is my career and I don’t know if I’ll have something left to go back to or if I even want to go back. So I figured since I’m here anyway, I could transform myself and do that month-long fast I’ve always wanted to do.

I’m doing this because I really want to get to that point where I can confidently say “I’m healed” and not be afraid for my health. My vital stats and bloodwork are excellent despite being 25lbs overweight, but as long as my back hurts when I wake up in the morning I know I’m not a hundred percent.

I’m posting this to at least put it out there that I’ve officially started my fast (again). I don’t really know how to find an accountability buddy but I’m glad I found this community here.