Way back in January 2020, I- like so many others- decided my New Years Resolution was going to be to lose weight….again. I had no idea how to go about it. But, my whole outlook on weight loss changed on January 11- I discovered IF. I spent all night browsing this subreddit, absolutely blown away by everyone’s progress pics! I read all the questions that was asked by everyone. And it seemed so simple. Delay, don’t deny. For the first time, I thought “I can do this!” when it came to weight loss. I weighed myself the next day. 185 pounds. I ate my meal and started the timer on the fasting app.
In the middle of February, I hit my first hurdle. It was a late night at work and I was so hungry, I just wanted to cry. I had lost about 6 pounds so far, so I knew it was working far better than anything I had tried previously. “Saiph,” I thought, “if you’re still unhappy come March 1…you can stop this and try another way. Just 2 more weeks.” Okay…deal!
It wasn’t until the beginning of May that I remembered my deal with myself. But by that time, I had already lost 33 pounds! I laughed at myself and thought this was still the best way to lose weight and that it’d be maintainable forever (how optimistic I was).
On September 19, 2020, I recorded my lowest weight…121.9 pounds! I lost 60 pounds in 9 months! I stopped recording my weight a few days later on the 22nd. My weight was 123.9.
For the next few months, my weight would hoover between 123 and 126. One morning in April or May of 2021, I stepped on the scale- as I did every day. I can’t remember now how much I weighed, but I know I wasn’t happy. As I got ready to take a shower, I looked at my naked self in the mirror. I still had a stomach pouch, I was still disappointed with my weight. At that moment, I wondered why the hell was I fighting so hard for an arbitrary number on the scale? My goal was 115. Was 115 going to make me happier? Was it going to make my life better? I broke down in tears. I wasn’t happy at 185. I wasn’t happy at 140. And I sure as hell wasn’t happy in that moment in time. (Don’t get me wrong….I loved the journey. Or at least, I loved watching the scale numbers decrease everyday!)
Those thoughts broke me completely. I started to extend my eating hours. Instead of having a window of 2-3 hours, now I would have 5-6 hours. Instead of not snacking, now I’d have some chips, maybe some cookies, candy. Instead of waiting just one more hour for my 20 hour fast to end, I’d break my fast early. Then, I’d break my fast during the 15th hour, or the 14th. Then, I just stopped with the fasting app all together. And of course, the weight came back.
In 2022, I half-heartedly tried to fast like l did in 2020. But it was so hard. I re-downloaded a fasting app and tried to cut back on sugar and restaurants again. But nothing really changed. I was still eating when I was supposed to be fasting. I was breaking fasts early.
I’ve been tracking my weight and food since September 19th. That morning, I weighed 173 pounds. November 7th, I weigh 170.2 pounds. 3 pounds is such a disappointing loss. And I’m embarrassed by it. But again, I also haven’t been the most ardent faster and I’ve had sugar and sodas and some fast food.
I don’t really know why I want to lose weight. Being 120 pounds didn’t make my life any better. I was still me…the quiet, awkward lonely woman I’ve always been. My only reason for losing weight would be to not be fat…and that’s not a good enough reason. I don’t know if I can regain my motivation or even keep it long term…
But I want to try again. And that’s a start.
Oh my goodness! Your journey was still so beautiful and determined. You were still able to drop 60 lbs! That is a lot! Congratulations on that one!
Try combining your fasts with a emotion/feeling list, seeing what you are feeling when fasting. I was able to quit alcohol few years back this way. Now i am doing 16:8 (and quit sugar) using the same method and it is much easier than to just quitting with sheer will power. All the addictions are ways to cope with tender feelings. So i would never suggest people drop their addictive behaviors without knowing what they are coping with. It might backfire. Hope this helps a bit and best of luck! You can do it! 🙌💪
I hope this is not overstepping and I know it might be weird to say this in this sub but maybe at the moment IF isn’t the way forward.
As anything else it’s a tool, and it works best if you have a goal ahead that brings you joy - my main goal personally with it is to get back to a point/weight where I can run faster without my knees hurting because that makes me happy.
I think joining a dance class, trying bouldering or going to a spinning class (anything really, just going regularly) might be a good start? Basically finding some type of movement that brings you joy and community. And if you then choose to come back to IF to be able to do the thing you found joy in more efficiently you’ll not need to dig as deep for motivation.
Wishing you all the best on your journey lovely ❤️
Thanks for your story. I definitely can relate with dropping weight and then gaining it back and trying to figure out where to go next.
I know you know this, but you are not your weight. It doesn’t determine your value. It doesn’t determine your ability to live in the moment and enjoy life today - not when you’re 120/115 again.
All that said, you’re doing great. A 3 pound loss is just fine. It’s also not forever - you clearly know what you need to do in terms of sugar/sodas/etc. But it’s still a loss, and maybe that’s a more sustainable pace for you, and that’s okay.