Over 30 hours now. I haven’t been super thirsty. My stomach feels very empty though and I have been thinking about food a lot. I suppose when we set limits on certain things like food and water, the mind likes to focus on that which we cannot (or choose not to) have. Also I’m finding it difficult to muster up the mental energy to get up and do the things I planned to do today. I wonder if this is self-imposed. As in, I know that I’m not eating or drinking, so I think (pre-emptively) that I won’t have the mental or physical energy to do certain things like journaling and cleaning/organizing. I feel like these are self-imposed limits I am placing on myself. I would like to break out of this prison of self-imposed beliefs/limitations and find out what I am truly capable of.
Right now I’m focusing on how fortunate I am to have this time to myself. The challenge of a dry fast reminds me of how difficult my last ultra race was. I don’t find fasting as physically demanding as running 50 miles in one go, but the mental challenge is similar in many ways. It is voluntary putting myself in a position of being outside my comfort zone and doing something that I regard as truly hard (and that many people in my orbit wouldn’t dream of doing).
I’m not putting a lot of pressure on myself right now to get x, y, and z tasks done. Although in the next several hours before bed, I would like to meditate for at least 15 minutes, journal, and journey more deeply inwards. In addition, I have a book called The Miracle Morning that I might begin reading tonight or tomorrow. The Phoenix Protocol is another book that I’d like to check out, as it seems to be highly recommended on this sub.
While sleeping has the appeal of passing the time more quickly, I don’t want to rush this. If anything, I think there is value in trying to be “comfortable with the uncomfortable.” Aside from ultrarunning, I typically try to avoid being uncomfortable in my regular day to day life. That is, being alone with my thoughts, disconnecting from all forms of media, and connecting with my Higher Power. The funny thing is, I know I would find greater joy, peace, and fulfillment in doing so. Why it initially feels so uncomfortable is a mystery to me. Maybe it is a lie that I subconsciously tell myself: that somehow God is disappointed in me for not seeking Him more regularly, amongst my other shortcomings. So I run away from the very thing which would be most beneficial for me. 🤔 Self-sabotage anyone?
Recognizing I have this issue is the first step to solving it though. While I thoroughly enjoy certain forms of social media and entertainment on my phone (YouTube, Instagram, Netflix, etc.), I know it is time to cut these things out for a period of time and see how my life changes/improves. I’m curious to know if anyone else here has made similar changes and found positive results. It seems like it would be inevitable and a no-brainer!
I imagine God would probably say throw on a boxset or two and chill out.
After all, a man who thinks all the time can only think about thoughts. - Alan Watts
But who am I to interpret gods thoughts. I should probably write a book.