I used to weigh 315lbs at my largest and now at 169lbs, lost the weight through clean eating (no sugar, gluten, dairy— all organic— Whole Foods); and IF & EF several years ago.
I met my partner 3.5 years ago, and at that time, I was just slightly above my current weight, and he couldn’t tell that I used to be larger.
Fast forward to today, he said he has never seen photos of me as a teen or young adult. I have reason to not have photos, but he’s seen childhood and baby photos of me.
At puberty, my weight exploded, as I gained 80lbs in one year from age 11-12 and had undiagnosed PCOS. From that point on, until I lost the weight in my late 20’s, I was morbidly obese.
I don’t want to share this part of my life— small or not, I feel that the stigma attached to being a larger woman is still there, and I want to be judged as the woman I am now, the woman I’ve always been, and don’t want to introduce this… element or explanation of the wild ride and many years I spent trying to hack my health issues.
Perspectives?
I have mixed feelings. On one hand, your past is your business. However, you should not feel shame over having overcome your health issues. You should be proud of it, you accomplished a great feat! Nobody should be judging you, and if they do, they suck. Own your victory, don’t feel like you need to explain or defend it.
My ex told me that she lost a lot of weight before we met. I got to see the photos too. I tought that was amazing. I respected her even more because of that. Changing your whole lifestyle is really hard work. It takes courage, discipline and ability to challenge yourself and change.
If someone thinks less of you for that they really need to go anyway.
I say: tell him. You’ll learn very valuable information about the kind of person he is either way.
As Dr. Seuss said: Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.
You don’t want to find out later on down the road that he, in fact, does not matter.
My perspective would be tell him exactly what you said here, only slight tweak … something along the lines of “i used to be a different person and ive purposely removed any remindings of that person from my life, i dont have pictures of the old me” or something like that.. or explain what you said, and show him anyway. you are who you are now, it wont matter what the past was, but i completely understand the stigma as i am currently on a weight journey myself
You always know more about a person when you share a bit of you. If he does not respond to it in a kind way he is not the man for you if he responds it in a kind way you found a gem. This is a great test to have to see if he is really worth and loves you for who you are and not your slimmer body. I used to be larger growing up also and at the right time I bring it with partners and friends just to see their reaction. Their reaction saved me many 💔
I do think it is important to be honest in a relationship, but if you really want to not discuss it, I would just demure and say you went through a phase of self loathing where you had put on some weight and hated pictures of yourself. So you didn’t take any and didn’t want people to take any.
The end. It’s pretty much the truth without getting specific.
You are under no obligation to share any part of your life with anyone unless you want to.
It’s a bit of a strange request to be honest. I don’t think I’ve ever asked anyone this. I assume people share what they are comfortable sharing and beyond that is none of my business.
Either way you’ll learn everything you need to know about who he is by his reaction to you saying no or him having an issue with your past.
I grew up poor and in a family riddled with addiction. I couldn’t even begin to describe it to anyone who didn’t live it. I live a totally different life now and surround myself with people who are nothing like the ones from my past. I totally get you not wanting to be judged or having to drag that part of your life you worked so hard to leave behind back in to your present. The fact is you will be judged for it and people’s perception of you will change. You have to be ok with that if you open this up to him. You also run the risk of him weaponizing your past against you. Think very carefully about how he fights when he’s angry or upset, the kind of comments he thinks are funny or appropriate and the decide for yourself what to do.
To be honest. I think your partner got an idea already, marks and body design doesn’t not lie about the past.. be proud of who you are now, that’s what matters… so she/he/their can really appreciate your will power.
That what you are facing now is the last of your walls… insecurities, shame or how ever you want to call it…. remember that’s not you anymore, but a remainder of what unhealthy life style can do to your body.. and I am pretty sure your partner will understand you more regarding your current healthy habits.
Really wish you the best… let us know how that went… I been in your shoes…
Don’t share them. He’s naturally curious, but it will change the way he thinks about you. No point changing your relationship dynamics when you’re happy now.
Be careful what you wish for applies here.