I’m struggling to understand why people feel the need to comment on my weight loss in a negative way?
I am a 5 foot 5 woman, weighing 138 pounds. My goal weight is 130 pounds. I started my journey at 150 pounds. I have felt uncomfortable for about 3 years carrying around some extra weight. Finally I did something about it.. about 6 months ago I started trying to eat better and lost a few, then 2 months ago cut out alcohol and adapted an IF diet, as well as started jogging. I have lost 8 pounds over the last 2 months.
It seems pretty clear to me that I’m losing at a fairly slow and maintainable rate. Yesterday after my longest run yet (7 miles) my mom called. When I told her how long I ran she seemed concerned almost and asked me how much I’m eating.. I told her I eat at my resting metabolic rate which is around 1500/day. But in all honesty I eat what I want after running- some days it’s much more. She told me to make sure I’m being healthy and she was worried almost. It’s just frustrating to get this negative feedback when she is the first person to let me know when I’m at a heavier weight.. but now that I’m losing weight she’s concerned?? I have lost a lot of weight in the past about 10 years ago (weighed 125 lbs.. which is still within healthy range for my weight) and she used to tell me how unhealthy I looked.. it’s like I just can’t win!
Then my best friend asks me how much I’ve lost and I told her and she says “ahh wish I could lose weight that fast”. Fast?? This has been a long process of staying committed, working out, counting calories… the weight didn’t melt off me here lol
Any advice for how I can deal with this in my own mind? I don’t care to change anyone and I know the way I’m doing this is healthy. So how can I overcome others opinions and enjoy my weight loss?
Thank you in advance.
Moms are weird about weight. Thats all I can say about her. I wouldn’t put that in the “unsupportive categoty”; but more like “worried mom says strange things about weight because she grew up with strange ideas about weight too”
Friend? I don’t think she’s being unsupportive. Maybe she’s not the most erudite person, and probably doesn’t know the whole backstory of your journey.
Some words of wisdom:“Don’t take anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering”– Miguel Ruiz
Make that same effort when it comes to protecting your peace. Be particular about who you share your accomplishments with. Reward yourself. People’s opinions are simply irrelevant. YOU know that you’re on fire and the proof is in the numbers. And, Your stamina and endurance are so fu**ing strong right now as a runner! I appreciate you! Not easy, but you’re killin’ it
Establish and Maintain boundaries with family members, especially your parents. Your accomplishments are Yours, mind body and spirit. Not everyone deserves to know your personal achievements. Keep your peace protected.
I think this is in part, due to 2/3 of the US (assuming you’re here because “Tahoe” in your username) is overweight/obese. 130 is perfectly within the normal range of weight for a 5’5” woman. I’m 5’5” as well and when I’m not pregnant, I feel most comfortable at ~130 (I tend to give myself a range of 125-135 to stick to). 7 miles is a little over a 10K which is a reasonable distance for someone who is a regular runner. As for your friend, they likely only noticed around 3-4 months into your weight loss journey that you started losing weight so it probably doesn’t seem that long to them. I’d just continue to reassure your mom that everything is fine and let your friend know how long it honestly took you to lose the weight.
You’ve done incredible!
I always find it interesting that people don’t tend to comment if they catch you drinking or eating McDonalds but as soon as you decide to make a positive change, they’re suddenly “concerned”.
It’s normal and its likely coming from a place of insecurity about their own weight. If someone sees you putting in all the effort you have to succeed, they may feel insecure because they haven’t done what you have done if that makes sense?
Don’t take it personally. It’s always likely a reflection of how they’re feeling inside. Do what you believe is right for you and the right people will support you.
Easier said than done, but you’ve got to let these comments roll off your shoulders. Assuming your relationship with your mom is otherwise healthy, thank her, acknowledge that her heart is in the right place, and tell her that you’re doing great. If things aren’t healthy between you and her - and it sounds like they might not be - maybe consider telling her that weight and exercise aren’t topics you want to discuss. Boundaries are okay and healthy.
With your friend, it’s okay to share how long and hard the process has been! Celebrate your hard work. Your friend might not know.
At the end of the day, you made these changes for you, not them. You know the work you’ve put in and the results you’ve gotten out of it. Congrats!
This is not unusual, and it’s one reason I personally suggest not talking about it at all unless you have to.
Everyone has issues about their own weight and appearance and value, and when you make a change it can easily trigger their own insecurity and therefore their own emotional self defense and need to keep things around them from changing.
My mother started getting on me about my health after I lost a lot of weight and was running and was the healthiest I’d ever been. She never said a word about my health when - like her - I was overweight and prediabetic and was getting high blood pressure.
It’s really about them, not you. If you want to overcome their opinions, a) don’t talk about it, just do it, and if they talk about it change the topic, b) know that if they’re saying something it’s because you’re doing something right and keep it up.
Remember It;s Your Journey/ life, Don’t let what people say, negative or positive sway you off path. I’m 5’1 c: 155lb goal 130 lb and people I haven’t seen in a while say I’m “wasting away” I hate that comment the most (starting weight 250ish and19 months later), but it’s all about your goals and not what others ‘want’ .
I’m your height and started my own weight loss journey at that size so I totally relate. It’s absurd how weird and defensive people get when you choose to take control of your health and fitness, even your own parents! My mom used to point it out all the time if I gained weight but she would DRILL me when I lost weight (“are you sure you’ve lost weight?” Or “are you sure you only weight Xlbs? That’s my weight and I’m skinnier than you”). You just can’t win with some people.
My advice is to just ignore it. People get weirdly jealous when you successfully lose and keep weight off. If you’re happy and proud that’s all that matters :)
I’m 5’7”. When I lost weight the first time (242lb down to 172lb), it made a massive difference to my appearance but it made my face look small and I lost a lot of my “presence”. My mother hated it because I looked shorter as well as smaller (despite the height remaining the same).
Someone once told me that when you’re trying to lose weight, don’t tell anyone. Some people will be negative about it and others will bore you with stories and anecdotes. Very few people will actually be supportive. So I’ve never told people how I’ve lost weight, what my exercise regime or diet is. If I’m going out to eat for a meal with family, I will plan ahead so I can eat “normally”.
Same here but I had a friend threaten to commit suicide if i kept losing weight because I’m “made to be the fat friend” and I was so stressed out because my life is a shit show and now my ONLY friend it going to kill herself because of me and I put on 30lbs even though I only lost 20lbs and to make it even better she refuses to hang around me anymore “it’s embarrassing to be seen with a wale in public”