Hey Everyone!
So, I’ve been debating wether to post my story here or not, but I feel reading someone else’s experience when it comes to any situation helps others put into perspective the “rights and wrongs” of certain things, fasting/dieting being a huge question mark to many leaves endless possibilities in the many routes you can take to lose weight.
My journey started March 2021, around the last two weeks of march I decided that I was going to start fasting. I was 210lbs, 5’2 in height, 22 years old, I was obese to say the least. But you know what’s worse than being obese? Being obese and NOT recognizing it, I had developed many health issues due to my excess amount of weight but I refused to pin any of those health issues to my weight and tried finding any other reasons as to why I felt so bad. I had developed shortness of breath, taking 2 steps was like running a marathon, I started breaking out in random sweats and rapid heart beats at any moment throughout the day, I was 1 point away from being diabetic, I had developed high cholesterol, I took every medical test I could to try to rule out why my health was deteriorating so much. Finally taking the hardest step and accepting I was extremely overweight for my age and height, I took on fasting.
While I was going into a diet plan I knew nothing about, I just started doing what I figured was “fasting” and started cutting my meals to One Meal a Day also known as (OMAD DIET), I ate everyday but only once around 5pm when I got home from work.
Here was my eating schedule/menu from March 2021-July 2021:
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Starting August I began counting my calories excessively! (what calories?!, if I didn’t eat shit!)
and my one meal a day became one meal a week or one meal every two days, meaning I wouldn’t eat anything at all the other 5 days of the week, only water, strictly ONLY WATER. you couldn’t get me to eat a cracker or a piece of candy, I was completely wrapped around fasting which little by little was becoming starvation due to my obsessive need to lose all the weight that was making me feel so shitty. I started telling my mom I would go out to eat with my friends so she wouldn’t notice that I went a whole day without eating. I would simply go out, not eat anything at all, but come home letting her know I had dinner and it was delicious, to ease her mind and not make her eye my eating habits since they started becoming more and more extreme as the weeks went by.
By this time frame (august 2021) I was at about 150lbs now, yup 50lbs down eating only lettuce with lime and tuna (un seasoned, undressed, just straight out the can onto a plate) and starving myself as much as I could. I had cut out any other forms of protein, on the day I did decide to have a meal it was always just that, tuna and lettuce. My workouts now were more intense and from only being able to do 10 minutes of cardio, I started doing 1 hour of HIIT cardio everyday, making sure I burned at least 800 calories or more solely through cardio, I was trying to burn off as much fat as I could before I started toning my muscles. I kept this up from August till present day (12/31/2021) it is currently still my daily workout routine. I make sure I don’t miss a day, if I do, im flooded with guilt, feeling as if I was gaining back every pound I was losing by not working out or getting off routine.
Now we are at October 2021, my birthday was on the 3rd. I turned 23 years old and I was weighing in at 125lbs now, I felt happy, I looked in the mirror and I was happy with what I saw reflecting back at me but this is where I started to realize, my fasting was really an ED I had developed. I realized this because despite dropping all the weight I had dropped in such a short period of time, I still felt as if it was not enough, instead of accepting my new weight loss, I beat myself up over it on a daily and made sure that even tho I was losing now about 2-3lbs a day, to not loosen up on my routine, I felt like one day of rest or one “cheat day” would set me back so far and make me gain the weight again, I was torturing myself at this point but I couldn’t stop. I started doing the worse, I started taking laxatives and body detoxes thinking that whatever I DID eat, I didn’t want it digested into my body. I would eat and about 30 minutes later would be downing a laxative or a detox shake to make me shit it all out and seeing that the next morning I had lost another pound or two when I stepped on the scale just encouraged me to not stop drinking laxatives as well.
Currently it is the last day of December 2021, and I weigh 107lbs. I see myself and I know I am more than fine physically, health wise its like I never had high cholesterol or was pre diabetic, I feel great in that sense. but mentally I feel like I abused the term “fasting” and went my own unhealthy route to get the results I wanted, but in all honesty I didn’t have a certain goal, I didn’t have a set weight or number I was aiming for, I was just trying to not be OBESED at 22 years old.
So my eating habits now look a little like this :
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I know the habits I have developed are not healthy to say the least and I do not recommend for you to go about losing weight in such an unhealthy way. Currently now, I am struggling with my relationship with food and eating and with the acceptance that I do deserve to have a meal I like or an ice cream or a cup of juice, I have accepted that I fall under the ED spectrum and wanted to tell my story so others can see that you can get lost if you obsess over anything really and hopefully you take the wrongs I made with my weightloss journey and go about it in a much more healthier way. I lost 100lbs in about 9 months and I don’t know when im going to get back into a normal eating routine but its something in the front of my mind that I slowly am working on.
If you made it to this point thank you for reading the whole way through!
below are some before and after pictures:
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As someone who suffers from a few different ED throughout my life, I just have to say this took a lot of bravery and self awareness to post. Thank you for sharing. Are you in any group or speaking to someone about your food struggles?
I had a similar journey with keto and IF.
Thanks for sharing this and I think it’s important we highlight it here…
People post nothing but before and after photos but a lot of these subs can turn intk eating disorders pretty easily
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m also relieved that you’re very much aware of what’s going on. I agree with the previous comment that it’s better when you have a support group. You are certainly not alone. There are others who are going through the same challenges and belonging to a community is a great support. Remember that you are beautiful inside and out, and brave. You’re still very young (you’re even a bit younger than my youngest son!), and have so much life ahead of you.
Thank you for being willing to share all this. It’s really important for people to know what signs to look out for.
If IF (or any diet/exercise plan) starts becoming a tool to hurt yourself — if you start obsessing and feeling constantly anxious and guilty — then it’s not safe or healthy to keep doing it.
One thing I really appreciate about this community is that when people do occasionally post things that sound worrisome and ED-like, commenters will gently tell them so and encourage them to get help.
This is one of my biggest fears, not being happy with my weight and afraid if I enjoy food a Lil bit it will all come back. So all 2021 I’ve maintained my 250 pounds and trying to ease into healthier habits but I feel like jumping in and going to the gym everyday is the only way
Thanks you posting. I glad that you can recognize this about yourself, it is the first step to getting help. I hope that you can find a therapist that specializes in ED. Your mental health is more important than anything and you deserve to be healthy because you are more important than your weight. I will thinking of you and I wish you well on your journey.
I think you should seek therapy. Your body needs to be fed for your organs to function. You don’t have any fat anymore so there is nothing else to fuel you without consuming any calories. If you’re exercising 800 calories you need to be eating well over 2K a day now to sustain and fuel yourself.
You are no longer obese which is a really great thing but you have certainly developed an eating disorder and is equally dangerous to your mental and physical health.
Please seek therapy. ❤️
